Um...
Would you please tell me your name?
No.
Huh?
I'm not supposed to give my name to strangers.
And you're a little creepy.
Thus my first love ended.
Tsurukame Moving
Let me go back to when it started, three hours ago.
My name is Nikaidou Kaho.
My family, well, they own a lot of land.
In other words, they're rich.
My parents treated me like a princess, spoiling me rotten...
...probably because they had me when they were older.
Locals and teachers were hyper-aware of my family's influence
and never got angry with me.
My friends were all schoolmates my folks had asked to hang out with me.
As a result...
...I've never had anyone mad at me.
What do you make of a person like that?
A real mess, right? Hopeless.
I'm sorry for being alive.
So this spring, I left my hometown...
...to turn over a new leaf in the city.
Kasumi House
This is Kasumi House?
Ahhh...
Yikes!
I-I'm so sorry! Sorry! I'm sorry!
Um, are you Miss Nikaidou?
M-Might you be the landlord?
Er, uh, I'm, well...
So young! Are all Tokyo landlords this young?
To be making a fortune at such a tender age... I bet it's IT!
He's managing apartments with the money he made in IT!
Uh, no, I'm just a high-school student!
The landlord had some business today, so he asked me to help out.
Shinohara Kouta
High School Freshman
What a pointless delusion that was.
Um, thank you very much. Nice meeting you.
Yeah, same h—
Can we bring in your things?
Second floor, please!
Oh, I'll help, too!
Oof! Wow, heavier than I thought...
Are you all right?!
Just have a seat! This is our job!
Feels like I'm getting in the way again.
Oh!
The kokeshi my brother gave me!
Wait! That's my brother's kokeshi!
Do you want to die or what?!
Didn't anyone tell you not to jump out at corners?
If a car hit a little kid like you, you'd be squashed dead like an ant!
Are you even listening?
What are you after?
I-Is it money? A favor from my parents?
I'm not interested in your money or your folks.
Liar.
You wouldn't save the likes of me if you weren't after something.
Don't you usually save people who are about to die?
And I heard saying "the likes of me" will mess you up for real.
You're pretty cute, you know? Tiny.
"The likes of me," my foot.
Cute...?
See you.
W-Wait!
Um... Would you please tell me your name?
Huh? No.
I'm not supposed to give my name to strangers.
And you're a little creepy.
And that brings us to where we started.
First Love Monster
Um, are you okay?
Uh, er, thank goodness you weren't hurt.
He saw me?!
A boy I only just met saw me fall in love at first sight,
get called "creepy," and be rejected?
About that boy...
Just a second, Shinohara!
Ch-Chiaki!
Yokouchi Chiaki
High School Sophomore
I'm just going to cut to the chase:
You fell in love, didn't you?
H-How did you know?
Get to be like me and you can just tell.
That's a city high-school girl for you!
But forget it. I don't even know his name,
and it's not like I'll ever see him again.
What if you did?
Huh? If I saw him?
Um, the thing is, he—
Shut it, Shinohara!
Those who'd thwart a young girl's love ought to go trip over a kokeshi!
No wonder you're a virgin!
That has nothing to do with it!
All this noise outside our front door is disturbing the neighbors.
Well, Taga, aren't you cocky.
Taga Atsushi
College Freshman
Geez. Act your age.
I'll show you, Taga...
Oh, please don't fight!
Cram it, virgin.
It's the super-sadist versus the brute!
Wait—how did you...
Am I wrong?
Busted, virgin!
Um, I'll just be on my way.
Oh...
Am I going to be okay? Will I get used to all this?
So much happened today.
Now that I've been dumped...
...clearly no one will want the likes of me as long as I live.
I heard saying "the likes of me" will mess you up for real.
You're pretty cute, you know? Tiny.
"The likes of me," my foot.
No way will I see him again. It'll be fate if I do.
Huh? You live here?
Huh?! Uh, yes!
Huh. Well, good to see you.
It's fate!
Ah, wait!
Today you saved me, and I got yelled at for the first time ever.
Wow. My whole life is being yelled at.
A-And I didn't think we'd meet again...
Well, if we're living in the same place, we're bound to.
And...
Oh, my name. Takahashi Kanade.
You're giving me your name?!
You're not creepy if you live here.
What about you?
It's polite to give your own name when someone gives you theirs.
Sorry. I'm Nikaidou Kaho.
'Kay. Later.
Please, wait!
There's more?
I... um, it looks like...
It looks like I love you!
We can date if you like.
If you can still say you love me once you know the real me...
...then yeah, we can date.
Think it over till tomorrow.
No way!
What's his "real me," anyway?
Is he married? Does he have kids? Is he into guys, too?
Does he have tons of debt?
Is he an alien? Or from the future?
Does he have ESP? Is he really a girl?
I couldn't sleep a wink...
But no matter what his secret is, I'll deal with it...
...and I'll go out with him!
You really came!
Uh-huh!
So, I'm in primary school. What now?
Takahashi Kanade
5th-Grader
And that's how the monster called "first love" began its assault.
...So, I'm in Primary School. What Now?
So are we going to go out?
Huh? Um, I, uh...
Yes!
Then as of today, you're my girlfriend.
Now I, too, finally had the cool boyfriend I'd always wanted.
And they lived happily ever after
As if!
No way—not a primary-school kid!
Yodel-ay-hoo-hee, Kanade!
Huh? Are these your friends?
Yep. We're in the same class.
This kid with the glasses is Gin...
Sannomiya Ginjirou
5th-Grader
...and this one with the hair is Tomu.
Kaneko Tomu
5th-Grader
Is this what all primary-school kids are like these days?!
This here is my girlfriend.
H-Hi.
Aw, man—I wanted a girlfriend! And she's older, too!
I see...
You've climbed the stairs to adulthood, Kanade.
Stairs to adulthood...?
Okay, Kaho, see you later.
Oh, have a good day.
We're off!
We're awful!
We're awfully awesome!
Congrats to the new couple!
Y-You've got it all wrong! It'll never work!
True. After all, he is in primary school.
Indecent?
Indecent
Criminal? Perverted?
Criminal
Perverted
But I wonder.
You did say you'd go out with him.
How would he feel if you told him "Yeah, never mind" now?
Huh?
Kanade's a lonely young man who lost his mother in third grade...
Children Crossing
Bamboo Primary School
Now, what I'd like the students of Bamboo Primary to remember today
is "SUSHI." Now, I don't mean the food.
The "S" stands for "Stranger danger."
Ow! I sprained my fingers!
"U" is for "Unknown vehicles are not for riding."
Mr. Principal, the boys are acting up!
Er...
Even at a new school, my head's full of thoughts of Kanade...
Do you want to die or what?!
What should I do?
Kanade? Kanade, what are you doing?!
Kaho? His wiener is in a bad place!
Huh?
Hey! Is your wiener okay?
Wiener pain, go away! Wiener pain, go away!
Wiener, go away!
Wait! Don't wish his wiener away! Where's it gonna go?!
Um... into the sky or something?
Hey, Kaho—where's his wiener gonna go?
Um, uh... where indeed?
No Opinions Needed
It couldn't be buried somewhere, could it?!
Could it?!
We found Gin's wiener!
Gin's wiener! Golden poop!
That is not my wiener!
I'm glad everything's all right. I-I'll just be—
Wait, Kaho!
Play tip-top tag with us!
Tip-top tag?
"Tip-top tag" is a popular game at Japan's primary schools
that can be played wherever there's higher ground.
More commonly known as "high tag,"
it's also called "climb tag," "air tag," and "up-and-up"
depending on the region.
Viewers at home, what do you call it?
1, 2, 3, 4, 5!
Wait up!
Kaho! He's gonna tag you! Run away!
Oh, uh, okay!
Oof!
Are you all right?
Oh, Taga! I'm sorry!
That Kanade's a rambunctious one. Be careful.
I-I will.
Oh, Taga!
Okay, take care!
Kaho, Tomu is "it" now, so hurry to high ground!
Oh, um, right!
Hup!
Tch!
Not the climbing poles again, Gin!
Gin really likes those things!
Haven't you figured out what's so great about them?
What is so great about them, anyway?
I think I get it.
You're welcome.
Hey, what's keeping Kazu?
Kazu?
Kazu'll be here soon. He's crazy cool.
The coolest of us all.
So there's another guy who's decidedly un-primary-kid-like?
So: I'm in primary school, too. What now?
Don't cheat on me, now, Kaho.
Ch-Cheat on you?
Kazu is an amazing guy.
He might just steal your girlfriend away, Kanade.
He's our class rep, too. A real big shot!
Don't make me mad, you guys!
I apologize for being late.
You finally made it!
What could he be like?
Let me introduce you. This is Kazu.
Nice to meet you. I'm Noguchi Kazuo.
Noguchi Kazuo
5th-Grader
Finally, a normal primary-school kid!
She's been done in by Kazu's coolness.
Sorry to disappoint you.
Oh, no—I'm actually kind of relieved.
Hey, this is feeling like some kind of cuckolding setup.
Eeeyikes! What are you gonna do, Kanade?
Shaddap! Kaho's my girlfriend.
Kanade, it's kind of embarrassing, so maybe don't spell it out like that...
Okay, back to it!
Yeah! I'm "it"!
Hey, wait!
No time-outs!
It's an emergency!
Geez, you're adjusting your junk?
Don't want a wiener-leaner.
W**ner-leaner?
It's about finding the most comfortable spot for your wiener.
For your...
W**ner
Gin just shoves his hands right in there.
I-I've just connected some extremely embarrassing dots!
Gotta treasure your treasure!
But normally you go from your pockets, like this.
The direct approach is more reliable!
Do not touch me with those hands!
Now, that just makes me want to touch you more.
W-Wiener hands!
Whoa! He's got the wiener touch!
Run away!
St-Stop that! Hands off! Don't touch me!
So you're saying I should touch you?
Wien... er! Wien... er!
Olé!
Wien—?
Wien... er...
Say your prayers!
Kaho!
Kanade...
When a girl is in trouble, reach out to help.
That's what my mom taught me.
Your mom?
So don't worry. I'll protect you, no matter what.
Kanade...
Attention, boys and girls!
Uh-oh—I gotta head home or I'll get Namiko's fists!
It is now 5:30 PM. Time for everyone playing outside to get home safely.
And I have cram school.
See you later!
Kaho.
Just so you know, I'm against you and Kanade dating.
Now for some afterclass homeroom.
Okay!
Taga Kazu Kouta Gin Tomu
Today I'd like to discuss the results you see here!
Hmm? That's a lot of "correct"s.
Hey, I've got the second most!
Aha—so if I came in first...
I got it! It's the number of correct things we did all day!
Taga Kazu Kouta Gin Tomu
Just the opposite!
The more "correct"s, the more you must reflect on what you've done!
Taga Kazu Kouta Gin Tomu Kanade
Say... what?
This is a tally of how many times you've said certain words.
Y-Y-You mean th-th-the ones you can't say on TV?
Yes, that's right.
But what could we have said this many times?
Can't think of anything.
All we really did today was hit our wieners on the jungle gym,
rub our wieners on the climbing poles,
and adjust our junk.
Huh?
Gin Tomu Kanade
The count's gone up!
But why?
Taga Kazu Kouta Gin Tomu Kanade
What gives? All he said was "wiener" and "junk"!
"Wiener" and "junk" are perfectly fine words!
Why them?
Something's fishy!
Ooh... is this...
Why "wiener"? Wiener! Junk!
Enough already! Quit saying "wiener"!
Aw, too bad.
Taga Kazu Kouta
Oh...
Renren here!
Coming up on First Love Monster...
High-school freshman Kaho is dating fifth-grader Kanade. It's her first love, not to mention her first boyfriend, and she's determined to learn more about him.
All on the next First Love Monster:
Next Time "Ah, Kasumi House"
"Ah, Kasumi House"!
And now for a match! Renren, chon!